Think about it - for a while when your child was little, they would listen to you with rapt attention. Whether it was a bedtime story, a song you made up or your mediocre animal sounds - your child listened!
It’s different now, as they’re growing up.
How many times do you have to tell them to pick up their shoes from the hallway? How often do you ask them to clean up their room? And how often do they do it at all, let alone the first time of asking? Let’s not even get started on whether they listen to you when they’re watching a TV show (that they don’t even like!).
Your child never seems to listen to you. There’s nothing wrong with their hearing, so are they deliberately ignoring you? Your friends’ kids, your nieces and nephews - they always listen to their parents. You can’t help but ask yourself - ‘what am I doing wrong?’
Why won’t my child listen?
There are many reasons why kids don’t listen - their age, development (cognitive, social, emotional), their physical state at that moment, their attention span, distractions, observed behaviors including how you as a parent demonstrate active listening and responding within the family and outside.
Think of the times as an adult, when someone’s lectured or nagged you. Maybe your boss or your doctor - how did it feel? Did you tune out after a point? We sure do.
Children are no different!
Am I doing something wrong?
Listening is a vital skill at every age - whether it’s for social development, keeping up in the classroom, to have healthy personal relationships or to be a key and productive member of the workforce.
With a child who repeatedly doesn’t listen, we’re worried about their current development and any future difficulties.
It’s also frustrating because it feels like an excuse to get out of doing a task - an annoyingly deliberate excuse that seems to undermine our role as parents.
Resorting to yelling or shouting doesn’t help. That’s just like talking loudly in English to get a person who doesn’t speak English to understand us!
Do other parents face this problem?
Yes, absolutely! Not listening is common across all ages, and especially so among toddlers and younger children before they develop cognitively, and learn to listen, respond and engage with simple instructions.
It’s important to remember that what, to you, looks like ‘laziness’ or ‘not listening’ could be linked to your child’s underlying emotional needs they haven't expressed yet.
Listening goes both ways - as parents, we need to listen to our children with full attention and without judgement, in order to make them feel supported and open to learning and listening to us.
That’s easier said than done. Thankfully, the GritLife app is here for you! With actionable advice for your child tailored specifically for their age - at your fingertips.
