‘It’s normal’, they said. ‘Babies cry’, they said. ‘They’ll grow out of it’, they said. They straight-up lied to you didn’t they! OK, OK - so your baby did stop crying. But now they’re growing older, the crying has morphed into incessant whining and complaining. About everything!
What you’d give to go just one day without them complaining, ‘but I don’t wanna…’
Oh boy, do we get it - a child who complains all the time can be frustrating, annoying, and so tiring. You think of yourself and the rest of your family as upbeat and cheerful, so why does your child whine so much? What’s bothering them ALL THE TIME? Their attitude sticks out like a sore thumb among their peers, leaving you wondering - ‘what am I doing wrong as a parent?’
Complaining - what’s it all about?
There are many reasons why kids complain. While they’re very little and still developing the language and cognitive skills needed to express themselves, crying and whining are their only ways to communicate with you. It might feel like complaining, but it isn't.
Older kids are more like us - maybe they’re hungry, sleepy, or have a headache. Maybe they had a bad day at school. Or maybe they just want some attention from you.
How you respond to complaining from your child also impacts how long it persists. Not only that but complaining is also a learned behavior.
An average adult complains up to nine times a day about various things. Think about how often you complain - remember that your child is observing this and learning from you!
When our children complain continually and excessively, we’re worried they can’t handle life’s challenges, when we want them to be resilient. Constant complaining can cost them their friendships, relationships and even their emotional health as they get older. If they’re labeled ‘negative’, people might not want to spend time with them.
As parents, we need to remain calm, make them feel heard by actually listening to their complaints, and not respond harshly or impatiently. Otherwise this can impact upon their self-esteem - leading to more-frequent complaining...
Will it get better?
Complaining is very common behavior between ages two and ten, although it continues well into the teenage years. The bad news - as children grow older, the range of things that can cause them to whine or complain will grow. The good news is that they can now articulate their needs to you, making it easier (in theory!) for you to help them.
Putting it into practice is the challenging part: the GritLife app can help you start doing that right away, with actionable advice customized to your child’s age.
